Obviously, I was unconvinced, so I demanded that this madman loan me his (freely acquired) copy of the album, in order to back up his wild claims. A quick glance at the track listing showed me that The Candles had lost none of their insightful, intellectual qualities when it came to song titles ('Join Me In Death', 'Carpathian Moonrise', etc, etc). So, I took the CD between thumb and forefinger, and placed it gingerly into my stereo (taking care that it didn't bite me with its fake nasty pointy teeth). Taking a deep breath, I pressed play, and... Huzzah! It had all been nothing but a bad dream! In short, the songs more than managed to live up to their titles.
Yes, don't believe the hype (or your local Goth DJ) - 13 Candles are still cooking up choruses that even Nosferatu would throw out ("I'm addicted to you/ I'm addicted to you-hoo-hoo"); they're still as musically adept as a group of twelve year olds playing Saxon covers in their bedroom; they're still ugly (that may seem a bit low, but fuck it - why not?!); and most of all they're still as shite as shite can be. Avoid this like you try to avoid those sad lonely old pervs who hang around the bars at Goth clubs ogling the girls.
NOTE TO COUNT VON CANDLES: Changing your drum machine sound does not a new band make! (PB)
[1997]
